Making a List

I'm determined to post something this morning, but damn this is hard. 

I haven't been able to find anything to feed my soul lately.  Nothing really brings me joy or sparks creativity.  I feel overwhelmed with badness and despair.  I was appalled to realize that there were quite a lot of bogus sites taking money for Katrina victims, bogus "charities".    It's appalling that we have to have people to watch and keep tabs on the charities and keep them honest.  That we have to be so on guard all the time. 

Who can you trust?  There are sharks everywhere, ready to take advantage of every situation for their own benefit. 

Why was I even surprised?  I don't know, but I was.  I guess I thought this kind of tragedy would get us all rallying around to support each other.  And some folx are, some folx have.   But it's still a shock to the heart to see how much heartlessness is out there.  And it's a shock to realize that - as dark as I am - I'm still shock-able.

So I retreated to my own back yard, sad and depressed.  But I know how quickly and easily this can become a black hole for me.  I have to pull my head up and look around.  I have to try to find something positive in the darkness.  I guess a list is in order. 

1.  It's cooling off, finally.  We've been hovering right around 100 for a few days now, and the mornings are quite cool.  Thank god for small favors.  It'll be another month before the days are tolerable for me to be outside, but at least I can go out in the garden in the early a.m. 
Reminder to self - flowers feed your soul.  Green helps.  Be in the yard whenever possible.

2.  The lovebirds are still coming around, though in smaller numbers.  I thought they were all gone, but this last week a few greens showed up, and yesterday, one yellow.  No blues, sadly.  I think the bulk of the flock has moved on, and I'm hoping these few stragglers will stay for the winter.  It's funny that I look on these birds as a sign of hope. 
Note to self - try to find nesting boxes that will hang in trees.  What do lovebirds like?

3.  Working so hard the last month has paid off, I have enough money right now to pay my bills AND feed the dogs.  I have a little extra money to do some stuff around the house.
Reminder to self - making things pretty feeds your soul.  It doesn't have to be expensive stuff, and a creative "fix up" project can help keep your head out of the darkness.

4.  I've been feeling a little better physically.  Less pain, a little more energy. 
Reminder to self - yoga in the mornings is a GOOD thing.

Cripes, is that all I can come up with?  I've been sitting here for 10 minutes trying to think of something else, and I'm stumped.  Well, I guess that's enough for today.  I can't expect too much on the first attempt, don't wanna suffer from too rapid a rise, decompression and all that.  Heh.

Comments

[Kat]

It is in the dark when we need the keenest eyes.

I find the dog a boon and we walk and walk and walk. She gets exercise, and I get a lift. Taking a camera out for pictures makes me see the beauty of my world. When I first lived overseas and was homesick, I would write a letter filled with all the feelings roiling inside of me. No letter got mailed; they were my release and sometimes a revelation.

[David]

Reading this post reminded me of some of the reasons I keep coming back here, Christine.

Perspective.

"When to the sessions of sweet silent thought
I summon up remembrance of things past,
I sigh the lack of many a thing I sought,
And with old woes new wail my dear times’ waste:
Then can I drown an eye, unus’d to flow,
For precious friends hid in death’s dateless night.
And weep afresh love’s long-since cancell’d woe,
And moan the expense of many a vanish’d sight.
Then can I grieve at grievance foregone,
And heavily from woe to woe tell o’er
The sad account of fore-bemoaned moan,
Which I new pay as if not paid before.

But if the while I think on thee, dear friend,
All losses are restor’d, and sorrows end." Sonnet XXX, the Bard

[Christine]

Thanks, Nancy. :)) And thanks for all these comments, it's so good to hear what others find inspiring! Children's laughter, oh yes, what wonderful magic there is in children's laughter. Music, how could I have forgotten music!? And writing too... cripes, why is it so hard for me to even remember what feeds my soul when I'm in the darkest places?