Needs of the Soul

I continue to think about my romantic heart part that surfaced again a few days ago.  Pardon me if I speak of her in the 3rd person, but it's easier that way. 

There are some needs that can't be met directly.  I can't reach my mother anymore, and that need just continues to ache and burn.  I can't do anything about it.   Sometimes the person you love doesn't love you back, and that need is just an ache you have to deal with.  And I can't get this need for romance met with my current mate.  There are other things I get from him, the relationship is still valuable to me and there's a lot of love there.  But this little pink fairy girl has some pretty intense need for love and romance that I can't get met with the hubs.

So, we watched some movies together, Pink Fairy and I.  And we cried a little, felt a lot of longing and sweet melancholy.  She speaks for hope and trust.  A fresh view of love.  She believes in heroes.  Other parts of me ... don't.  Bitter old women and starving, battered children, parts who have been betrayed and abandoned and hurt.  They don't believe in heroes or the goodness of man. 

Pink Fairy would fall in love with Russell Crowe in the Gladiator, Harrison Ford in Blade Runner, and Kevin Costner in The Postman.  My bitter parts are appalled and outraged at this feeling of hero-worship... and for a movie star for god's sake!  Appalling.

It's been a strange couple of days, with all this stuff surfacing.  Internal wars raging between hope and bitterness.   

I tried to meet her needs as best I could.  Watching movies was pretty satisfying.  I think a big part of the satisfaction came just from the fact that I acknowledged her needs as legitimate.  The core / parental me - just acknowledging her.   Letting her grieve and cry and mourne and long-for, and knowing I was trying to find a way to give her some relief.  She has been alone a long time.  Locked in a room, fragmented from the rest of me, scorned by the bitter parts. 

If I was going to build a Hierarchy of Needs, the first need of the soul would be for acceptance.  It's an interesting idea, a modified Hierarchy, starting with Maslow's but using my terminology.  Well, it would be interesting to me anyway.  :)

Comments

[David]

Christine,

When you say "acceptance" you _seem_ to be describing—with all the surrounding context—love.

Nah, not the Eros kind that seems to get conflated with "romance" but the kind Anders Nygren contrasted with eros in his huge doorstop of a book, Eros and Agape.

BTW, that love that invests its subject with "worthwhileness" is something that Wonder Woman's much better at than I am. But still... regarding one's lover with eyes that seek out their worthwhileness, or even simply add to or enhance his/her worth is the core of that kind of adventurous love.

And it finds its ground in, as you rightly note, acceptance. Seeing ones lover for who they are and then choosing to love them "warts and all".

But you know, that love is not just for lovers. Acceptance that goes on to investment and actively seeking the best in someone else can also be a friend's love. Not platonic, and more than merely "brotherly"--seeking the best in ones friends, warts and all :-), is very much rooted in that same acceptance you note as so strong in your hierarchy of needs.

(A hierarchy that most of us, were we honest with ourselves, would strongly echo.)

Thanks for such a strong post.