The Worst Critic

The worst critic, the worst judge, is me.

I've been brooding about this.  How to defeat the inner critic...  I am envious of others who have crossed that invisible barrier in themselves, and walk with a measure of confidence under the umbrella of "writer", "artist", "photographer", or "musician". 

I come from an extremely talented family.  We've got dancers in 2 generations, musicians in 3, one writer, and several artists and actors.  I've dabbled in all of these, trying on different creative mediums.  And what I found was that I have mediocre talent for many things, but no real strong talent in any one area. 

Maybe if I had pursued one thing, I might have gotten really good at something.  But I had this inner critic that said if it's not good or great or at least above average, then it's crap.  Whenever I couldn't measure up to the judgments of the inner critic, I moved on to another medium. 

I think I have finally given up having to be perfect, or noticed, or famous, or "the best", or even "good".  I realized finally after years of putting down my artwork, my writing, my voice ...  that I NEED to do it, all of it.  I need to draw and paint and sing and take photos and write stories.   I need the paint and the pencils and the photographs and the creative flow.

And it doesn't matter if I can earn a living at it, or if anybody else thinks it's good.  Or if they think it's crap.  This is the stuff that feeds my soul, even if it is mediocre.  I need the creativity that flows from my deepest feelings. 

So, while I was working this over, trying to find my way to the core of the feelings, I got peddidle's comment on my Integrity post.  From there I visited her blog, and found this post which fits right in with what I'm brooding about.  The inner perfectionist, being defeated by failures according to the judgment that says "not good enough".  Thanks Pedddidle.

Dragging my creativity out of the closet here, allowing it to be mediocre, and loving it anyway, I can appreciate all the wonderfully talented people out there who are sharing their art and creativity, without having to compare myself to them.

Well.  That's what I'm trying to do.

Comments

[Christine]

Thanks Nancy! Thanks for visiting. The newness of it hasn't worn off yet, it still feels a little stiff. That Kipling snippet was great, D. I left you a comment on the post, just so's you'd be sure to see my response. How completely apropos. But that link isn't "linked". I'll have to see if I can change that.

[Nancy]

And the first rude sketch that the world had seen was joy to his mighty heart, till the Devil whispered behind the leaves, "It's pretty, but is it Art?" :-) Love Kipling.

I think your new site is amazing. Quite different from MC&AT, but still very much you. Another one to add to the blogroll. Great work!

[David]

"... I can appreciate all the wonderfully talented people out there who are sharing their art and creativity, without having to compare myself to them."

Good on you. Finding your voice, your niche, your unique area of contribution isn't half as important as the _doing_ of things in the search. One thing that's very nearly certain is that if you keep working on your chops by simply doing and contemplating, growing in understanding _what_ it is that you are doing and what is driving you, you will find your voice, your niche, your unique area of contribution.

"Mediocre"... hmmm...

See: Tuesday Kipling

"When the flush of a new-born sun fell first on Eden's green and gold..."

Kipling knew a thing or three about crtical voices. :-)